Mage Clef and the Joys of Cooking
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: Clef has his own cooking show. His guests will tech you how to make "Clef is a hotty" heart shaped cake, cheetos, and... water.


Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory owns nothing.

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Clef: Hello all. You are now watching me, the amazing Mage Clef and the Wonders of Cooking. Today we have a few special guests coming onto my show today to show us their greatest recipes. First of all, please welcome Miss Umi.

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Umi: Hi everyone! Today I'm going to show you how to make my spectacular "Clef's a Hotty-Camalotty" heart shaped cake.

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Clef: That sounds… erm… interesting.

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Umi: Right! First you look at lil' Cleffy pooh and drool for about a half an hour. This is what gets the motivation going! Then you go out to a bakery near you and buy a cake!

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Clef: Um, wouldn't you want to make the cake yourself from scratch?

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Umi: Awww… You're sooo cute! You actually would want to buy the cake from a bakery so that it takes you less time to get to the fun stuff! Okay, after you buy the cake of your choice, you take out a buzz saw and start shaping the cake into a pretty heart! *buzz saws cake* Finally, to saw out a logo and you're done! *buzz saws shape on cake that is a silhouette of Clef* There is only one thing left for you to do. Give it to Clef and ask him to marry you!

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Clef: Uh.. Yah… whatever. Thank you for your time. Next we have Zagato's right hand elf guy, Inouva.

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Inouva: Yes, unlike the stupid blue haired chick, I'm going to actually show you something that requires a brain.

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Clef: I need to buy one of those for my girlfriend…

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Inouva: Shut up! This is my time here pal! Anyway, I'll be showing you how to make… CHEETOS!!!

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Clef: You know how to make cheetos?

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Inouva: Well, no, not really. I'll just be showing you how to get them free from your local mini mart.

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Clef: This is a COOKING show. You know, where we show the desperate moms of America how to COOK.

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Inouva: I thought the desperate moms of America were the types aspiring to be those lemony romance novelists.

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Clef: No, those are desperate women in general.

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Inouva: Ah…. Anyway, even though this is for cooking, I'm showing y'all what to do anyway because it's a survival skill type thing.

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Clef: *sigh* Fine.

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Inouva: Right. Here's a clip of what to do.

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Clip:

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Inouva: I'd like some Pepsi Twist and a bag of cheetos.

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Girl at Counter (GAC): Would you like my heart with that?

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Inouva: No. Just the Pepsi Twist and the cheetos.

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GAC: You know, you're kinda cute.

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Inouva: That's nice. Pepsi Twist, Cheetos, now, please.

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GAC: I'll give them to you for free if you'll go out with me on a date.

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Inouva: Okay. Give me the Pepsi twist and the Cheetos.

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GAC: Okay baby. *gives Inouva Pepsi Twist and Cheetos*

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Inouva: Later. *ditches*

*back to cooking show*

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Inouva: Basically, you've gotta be a hot elf man and be willing to use the ever gullible girl at the counter.

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Clef: Okay… another completely useless thing to know… We have time for one more guest. Crap… Anyway, our final guest is Zagato.

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Zagato: I'm here to destroy the Magic Knights.

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Clef: Um… wrong show. That would be the TV series, this is just a meaningless fic.

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Zagato: Oh.. Damn. At least I can finally take off this damn crown/hat thing. *takes off crown/hat thing*

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Zagato fan girls: *drool*

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Zagato: Since I'm here, I might as well impart with all of you some of my knowledge. ahem Stool!…. STOOL!!!……… INOUVA YOU JACK ASS!

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Inouva: Huh? Oh yah… *gets down on hands and knees*

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Zagato: *sits on Inouva* Alright, you will now be learning how to make… water. Inouva, I want vibration some time soon!

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Inouva: *gasping for air* As huff you puff wish my wheez Lord. *starts vibrating*

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Zagato: Much better. Right, you take one molecule of hydrogen and two molecules of oxygen and then you'll have a very small thing of water. To get more get a bunch of hydrogen, take those molecules, multiply them by two, and that's how many oxygen molecules you'll need. Mix them together and you might just have yourself a whole glass of water.

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Inouva: Can't… stand… must… down…. *plops*

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Zagato: *plops with Inouva* I did not ask for you to collapse did I, Inouva?

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Inouva: No pant Lord.

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Zagato: No dinner for you tonight!

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Clef: Well, that wasn't exactly a recipe but that was the closet we got. Anyway, thank you for joining us and please do remember to tune in next time on "Mage Clef and the Wonders of Cooking."


End file.
